Loneliness is one of the most common feelings people carry into our office, and one of the least talked about. It rarely shows up as the main complaint. It hides behind "I'm just tired," "I've been in a funk," "I don't know why I feel this way, I have no reason too", or "I think something is wrong with me". If that sounds familiar, you are far from alone. Loneliness is not a character flaw or a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a feeling that reminds us something important is missing in our lives. Those feelings may be longing for connection, comfort, or understanding. Lonely is not the same as alone Loneliness is the gap between the connection you want and the connection you have. Re-read that statement. Being alone is a fact about your surroundings; loneliness is a feeling. Plenty of people enjoy the quietness of being alone. The irony of loneliness is that many people can also feel lonely in a full house, a busy workplace, or a long marriage. It can take a few different forms: • Emotional loneliness — missing a close, trusted person who truly knows you. • Social loneliness — lacking a wider circle: friends, neighbors, a group where you belong. • Existential loneliness — feeling that no one could really understand your inner experience, often after loss, illness, or a major life change. It's important to define which feeling or types of loneliness you experience, because each type points toward a different kind of response. Why loneliness matters Loneliness is a health issue, not just a mood. In 2025 the World Health Organization's Commission on Social Connection reported that about 1 in 6 people worldwide experience loneliness, and linked it to roughly 871,000 deaths a year — about 100 every hour. It stated that meaningful social connections play and important role in our emotional and physical well-being. ( World Health Organization ). The same report ties loneliness and isolation to higher risk of stroke, heart disease, diabetes, cognitive decline, and early death. On the mental health side, people who feel lonely are about twice as likely to develop depression, and loneliness is linked to anxiety and thoughts of self-harm. The difficult part is that depression and anxiety make it harder to reach out, and pulling back deepens the sense of loneliness. That is why as professionals we ask about connection as routinely as we ask about sleep and appetite. Why loneliness is so hard to overcome L oneliness changes how the brain reads social situations. When we feel disconnected, the mind shifts into a protective, on-guard mode. A sense of fight or flight. A friend's short text looks like rejection, a quiet room at a party feels like proof we don't belong, and before we know it we believe everyone is talking about us. That sense of threat makes reaching out feel risky, so we hold back. Holding back leads to fewer good interactions, which confirms the fear and deepens the loneliness. It is a loop that does not stop. The good news is that these thought loops can be interrupted . Small, gentle steps toward people dispels threats to our emotional safety if given time. Small steps can create connection You don't need a dramatic change. Start small, 1. Send a message. A "saw this and thought of you" text to someone you've lost touch with. No pressure to keep the conversation going. 2. Turn routines into rhythms. The same coffee shop, gym class, or walking route creates familiar faces, and familiarity is where friendship starts. 3. Join something with a shared task. Volunteering, a faith community, a choir, a rec league, a book club. Doing something side by side is easier than making small talk face to face. 4. Be the one who helps. Offering help to a neighbor or coworker builds connection and quiets the inner critic. 5. Swap some scrolling for real contact. Social media can keep you informed about people without making you feel close to them. Pick up the phone and make that call. It is in our nature to assume that everyone is too busy but the reality is most are assuming the same thing, therefore no connection is made. 6. Notice your self-talk. When your mind says "they don't want to hear from me," treat it as a guess, not a fact, and test it. 7. Enjoy the small moments. A friendly exchange with a cashier still counts. Connection is built in tiny deposits. When to reach out for help Sometimes loneliness is tangled up with depression, anxiety, grief, or trauma, and self-help steps aren't enough. Consider talking with a mental health professional if: • Loneliness has lasted weeks or months and isn't lifting • You've lost interest in things you used to enjoy, or your sleep and appetite have changed • Social situations bring intense fear or dread • You're leaning on alcohol, substances, or screens to numb the feeling • You feel hopeless or have thoughts of not wanting to be here I f you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or call 911. At Resilient Health Services, we see loneliness as something worth treating, not something to just push through. If you're ready to talk, call us at 515-461-8889. Reaching out is itself an act of connection, and it's a good place to start. Sources • WHO: Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death (June 30, 2025) • WHO Commission on Social Connection
Chasing the Light: Understanding Seasonal Depression If you have noticed it getting harder to get out of bed lately, you are not imagining it. Here in central Iowa, we lose a few minutes of daylight every day this time of year. When daylight saving time ends on Sunday, November 1, sunset will jump to around 5 p.m. By the winter solstice, Des Moines gets barely nine hours of daylight, about six fewer than in June. For many people, that shift brings a little sluggishness, craving for comfort food, and no desire to be outside. For others, it brings something heavier: a real, recurring depression that arrives with the fall and lifts with the spring. This pattern is called seasonal affective disorder (SAD), and it is very treatable. Winter blues, or something more? SAD is a form of depression that follows the seasons. In clinical terms, it is major depression with a seasonal pattern: episodes start at about the same time each year and fully resolve when the season changes, typically for at least two years in a row. The "winter blues" are common and milder. You might feel a bit flat, sleep a little more, or miss the sunshine, but you still function well and enjoy the things you care about. SAD is different. It gets in the way of work, relationships, and daily life, and it tends to last for months rather than days. Most people with SAD have a fall and winter pattern. Others may experience a summer pattern, often with poor sleep, low appetite, and restlessness. What it can look like Winter-pattern SAD often feels like your body is trying to hibernate. Common signs include: • Low mood most of the day, nearly every day • Losing interest in things you usually enjoy • Sleeping much more than usual and still feeling tired • Heavy, low-energy days, sometimes described as feeling like your limbs are made of lead • Craving carbohydrates and sweets, often with weight gain • Trouble concentrating or making decisions • Pulling away from friends, family, and activities • Feeling hopeless, worthless, or guilty The key clue is timing . If these changes show up around the same time every fall and fade by spring, it is worth paying attention to the pattern. Why less light affects mood Over the years, researchers have tried to pinpoint the exact cause for this phenomenon. Ultimately it comes down to light, specifically daylight. Your brain uses morning light to set its internal clock. This internal clock is called the circadian rhythm. Your circadian rhythm guides sleep, energy, and hormones. When mornings stay dark, that clock can drift out of sync with your daily schedule. Several other changes seem to play a part: • Melatonin. Longer nights mean the body makes more of this sleep hormone, which can leave you groggy and slow. • Serotonin. Less sunlight is linked to lower activity of serotonin, a brain chemical that helps regulate mood. • Vitamin D. Our skin makes vitamin D from sunlight, and levels often dip in winter. Low vitamin D has been linked to depression, though it is not the whole explanation. Your changing mood is not a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower. It truly is a biological response to a changing environment. Who is more likely to experience it Anyone can develop SAD, but some factors raise the odds: • Where you live. SAD is more common the farther you live from the equator. That puts Iowans at higher risk than people in the southern states. • Sex and age. Women are diagnosed far more often than men, and symptoms usually begin in young adulthood. • Family history. Depression or SAD in close relatives increases risk. • Existing mood conditions. People with depression or bipolar disorder may notice their symptoms worsen with the seasons. Estimates suggest that roughly 5% of U.S. adults experience SAD, and many more have milder winter blues. What helps The good news: SAD responds well to treatment, and many people feel better within a few weeks. The best plan depends on your history and symptoms, so it is worth building it with a provider. Light therapy. Sitting near a special light box each morning is one of the most effective treatments for winter-pattern SAD. Boxes rated at 10,000 lux are typically used for 20 to 30 minutes, soon after waking. Look for one that filters UV light. These can be found on Amazon or other stores. Talk with your provider first if you have bipolar disorder, eye conditions, or take medications that increase light sensitivity. Talk therapy. Consistent appointments with your therapist can help people challenge winter-related negative thoughts and plan enjoyable activities through the dark months. Medication. Antidepressants can be very effective and can be used for a season. For people with a clear yearly pattern, starting treatment before symptoms usually return can help prevent an episode altogether. Daily habits that make a difference: • Get outside in the morning, even on cloudy days • Open blinds and sit near windows when you can • Keep a consistent sleep and wake time, if possible on the weekends as well • Move your body most days, ideally outdoors, but indoors works too • Stay connected with people, even when you would rather stay in • Ask your provider whether checking your vitamin D level makes sense • Plan things to look forward to through the winter When to reach out If low mood has lasted two weeks or more, is affecting your work or relationships, or follows the same pattern every year, it is time to talk with someone. You do not have to wait until winter is in full swing. Fall is actually the best time to make a plan. If you are having thoughts of suicide or harming yourself, call or text 988 , the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time of day. In an emergency, call 911. At Resilient Health Services, we help people navigate seasonal and year-round mood changes with care that fits their lives. To schedule an appointment, call us at 515-461-8889 . The days will get longer again. Until then, you do not have to wait it out alone.
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